Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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