My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
