and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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