I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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