WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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