I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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