i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
