Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
