everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
