Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
