let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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