I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
