Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness