I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.