someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
