remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.