Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

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(509): View more from Washington

def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(603): View more from New Hampshire

you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important

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(214): View more from Texas

It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

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(614): View more from Ohio

my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat

(614): View more from Ohio

repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.

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(801): View more from Utah

She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness

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