I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
