I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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