here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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