Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm like, not good at living.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
