apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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