does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
