that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
