the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
