Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
