So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
