I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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