just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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