I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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