Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
