Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize