How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
