so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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