While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
