I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
