I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
