I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
