I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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