I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
