i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
