I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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