i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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