And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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