our cab driver is having phone sex.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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