The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Umm I'm too high to move.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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