do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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