Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
