Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
