i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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