someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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