Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize