im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
