i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
