She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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