Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
