Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
