then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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