You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
