Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
