I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
