I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
