I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drunk is not a location!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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