A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize