It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
