girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
