I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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