So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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