Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
