Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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