im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
