everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
