O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
