The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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