Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
