I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
