Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
