It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
