I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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