omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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