i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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