Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
