I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
