i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
