last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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