We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
